Anatomy of a love gone wrong

Let me hold you in my arms Nicole, so that you may cry on the shoulder of your brother.  This shirt is cotton, and I can feel the warmth of your tears.

It is so sad when a passionate love dies as quickly as it ignited.  Sad for both of you, but equally, sad for all those who hope for a kind of love that can rise above the joy and pain of our everyday lives… that can transcend distance, time, and mind and body… a love that just is, deep in one's heart, connected in nothing, but spirit.

You have so much love to give… I loved your blog about the Montreal Gaia meeting you organized… you are surrounded by love Nicole… and while it may not be obvious to your soul today… so too, is he.

Love you

Nicole, I really don't know much about this relationship you had or any of the context surrounding it, but I do sympathize with the feeling of love not working out as desired.  This situation you describe sounds devastating.  Having lost the closeness with a loved one is bad enough, but the sense of betrayal on top of it is heart-wrenching.  His actions must be motivated by profound sorrow and frustration.  At times like this, it can be very difficult understanding what is going on with another person.

I'm sad to hear about your struggle and his.  Relationships are such a natural expression of our humanity… and yet endlessly challenging.  *sigh*  If he felt like it had to end, its too bad that he couldn't simply have said goodbye to you directly.  I suppose he didn't need to give you reasons to explain himself, but there definitely was a better way of going about it than what he chose to do.

May you both feel youselves embraced by a love greater than human understanding!

Blessings,
Marmalade

Dear Nicole,
It makes me very sad to see you so shaken and without hope. However, I think that hope lies in your very words and that you might not realize it now because you are so hurt but hope has not died. And of course neither has love. You have so much love to give and one day you'll find someone who will give it all back to you… tenfold. Now it's the time to hurt and cry but there will come a time to smile and be filled with happiness. For all of us. For you and for your estranged love.
You are a wonderful shining person and anyone who doesn't see this must be blinded by ignorance or some problems of their own that are too heavy to see your light.
I know you hurt and I'm afraid there isn't much I can do for you but send you lots of love and sunshine and offer you another shoulder to cry on. But I also know that you are strong and that eventually your love will conquer your pain.
Big long hug,
Jenny.

How can one in so much pain see so clearly?

When sorrow and fear fail to paralyze and, in fact, result in an opening up and an extending, YOU can feel confident that your inner spirit has evolved light years ahead of the most of us.

Therefore, you are now a beacon.

Nicole, you are a “woman of substance”!  Thanks for sharing with the rest of us your honest and open inner depth.

Love,
mike S

Nicole, I read your blogs a few months ago, when all this Love was erupting through them; and I felt such a feeling of familiarity, and at the same time, I cringed with a feeling of my own alarm…. This amazing longing that we have to know and be known! ah, what roads we travel in pursuit of this! Ah what troubled weaves we weave!
This medium of cyberworld is ideally suited for ‘relationship bypass’…. and we are left so vulnerable, heart splayed and trounced upon as a result.
Yet, We CANNOT know anyone that we have not met, that we have not spent considerable time with, that we have not felt in the molecules, that we have not put in TIME….. We can think we know them, we can have huge big feelings, and DESIRE enough to move a mountain… but knowing and being known, loving and being loved deeply, truly, as is our passion, is not possible outside of physical relationship……. The journey into the Beloved is not only a spiritual journey, but also a molecular one…. all quadrants indeed!
That your friend has humiliated you publicly, well, how horrible is that!……that is when my brother James would say with agency that a good “fuck off. You’re too short!” was in order…and you have to mean it… which of course is the clunker….
I am thinking of you today…and hold you in my heart… oh, all these sisters with me, brailling into deeper reality….
love Jane

Nicole, I tell my kids-

        “If you're going to be a turd, go lay in the yard”
                    
                                        Love, Joe

Nicole, know that feeling having been blind sided a few times in my life.
You know it's going to be just the way it is. Betrayal is the deepest cut, I'm bleeding on this side with you. When you expose yourself to love it make you vulnerable, but it's worth it.

 ~ “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”

    - Oscar Wilde, poet and author (1854 - 1900)

Sending healing Chi your way,

Lars

I am going to sneak right in here and plant myself right next to your Nicole.  I am here when you need to turn for a hug, or if you get really mad and need somebody to break dishes with, i can do that too. 

with wishes that highest goods will prevail quickly and as they should be.

love to you,

shirl

O F F  with his goolies ! ! !

“It seems that in what he wrote, he sought not only to ensure I would never, ever want to contact him again, but also it appears that it is an attempt to make me doubt everything, all I believe about myself, my relationship with others, life, God, my faith.”


I know how you feel. I can only tell you that if you hold onto your faith, you will come out of this hard time with more strength than you knew was in you. Trust me. =]


Kristen

You see clearly through the pain since you are a wonderful person of character and integrity.  Do not let that falter, and you will heal.

I still believe it is better to have love and lost than not loved at all, despite the pain that it induces.  Every pain caused I learn, and grow, and in turn have become more compassionate.  It gets back to character and integrity, I think.

Sure, there are stories behind my “peace through strength” sign-off.  Suffice it to say, your example and blog is one of the beautiful definitions behind my observation.

You, Nicole, are Peace through Strength.

Christopher

it is most unfortunate that the one you were with could not appreciate the depth, beauty, and openness that has shone through from your soul here.  clearly, i am not the only one who sees this.  may his foolishness not cause you to question any of your wonderful self;  the greater loss and room to grow are surely his.

my warmest and deepest wishes for a speedy recovery.  *hugs*

Nicole,
    Three times now my message to you has vanished into cyper nothingness!  So real quick before the gnomes push the vanish key…..
    You are so loved here and I'm happy you are sourcing good energy and clear thought through this.
     Thing is, your dealing with boys, and well…. we suck at breaking up!  In order to feel right about it we feel the desire to deny and discredit all that was good.  This means we say and write stupid ass things!  Very immature and counterproductive but sometimes we can't help it, it's a penis thing.  One way of looking at it is the worse things we say are really telling to just how much we are hurting.  Assbackwards as my dad would say.

here's to both of you.

Speak for yourself Joshua,

My compassion is as big as my….  uh oh.. too much information….  let's just say.. directly proportional.

Thanks everyone for loving my sis so much.

Dave

Sorry to be 'late' Nicole. Net problems [u know the Tropics]! But it seems there isn't a shortage of good sweet love floating around waiting to wrap you up! Let that be a lesson also dear… when a persons loves you, that's just it… they only want to give their best and be their best for you. Love does NOT speak fear, which clearly this one did.

And you, with your loving heart, have expressed such true TRUE love so many times and in so many ways, you should certainly expect to receive a similar blessing from true loving ones. Please don't underestimate the power of the Universe to provide the best possible love to suit you and your beautiful heart in the future. Perhaps the restoration of hope could be the first step in your healing… think to the extreme and infinite possibilities on the horizon to fill you and fill your heart as well.

I'm sorry to hear of your break up, but definitely, it's for the best.

Wishing you all of the very best. Do take care of your good heart. Sherrilene

First of all, I have to send love to Joshua. What a perfect thing to say. You're obviously a truly great friend.

Second, Nicole, you must have touched him very deeply, indeed, for him to be so vicious. He is, as you realized, deep in his own suffering and thought he had to do this in order to save himself. Fool that he is, he could have used it to find his Self, but that's his lost opportunity, not yours. Stay as awake to the pain as possible, but hold on, there! No wallowing or despair allowed. Look at your pain and see it for what it is, not some romantic notion of what might have been. I'm spouting tough love here because I know this terrain well, and spent plenty of time pining when I could have been happy with what-is.

And yep, I have had very similar things happen online, but with friendships. It's a projection minefield, make no mistake. This online stuff is a pale imitation of life in realtimespace, no matter what anyone says.

All I can think of now.

Liz

There is something about the internet that disorts our ability to relate well.  You can have spent many hours getting to know someone online, but you'll never be equal to those in their everyday lives.  Even if people share personal info about themselves maybe even more than they've ever shared before, it somehow desn't fully translate into what that same action would mean in normal life.  Its difficult to feel the reality of the person on the other side of the screen. 

I value friendship to a great degree and this includes online friends, but I've noticed that many(most?) people don't seem to accord an equal value to their online relationships.

The difficulty of connecting with people online can sadden me, but it seems to be a limit of the medium.  Its easy to connect with people quickly on the net, but its also easy to disconnect.  I think this is because its easy to ignore or hurt someone without worrying about having to ever face the person.

I'm not going to say be brave, instead, be gentle with yourself, give yourself time to grieve, stand alone until you feel whole again, give yourself space and don't get caught on the rebound. Spoil yourself a little, whatever takes your fancy, chocolate is good, fresh air and exercise too.Much love to you and intentions for your highest good coming your way, often these lows allow for the most personal growth. Enjoy the bank holiday weekend.

Ouch, that hurts! I brought by a big box of Band-Aids; not the plain pink ones your mother used to use, these have cartoons and smiley faces and.. Well take a look and pick some out. I have a bottle of Bactine and I promise it’ll only burn a little and I’ll blow on it to make sure.

Let me know when you’re ready to take it off and then you can choose fast or slow. I always went for the slow method myself for Band-Aid removal, but for getting into cool water it was always jump right in and your heart stops briefly as your head slips under.

xoxo

I am sorry that person was mean to you, Nicole. i hope you are okay.

Nicole, I'm so sorry things have turned out like this.  I read rumblings in your recent blogs and comments, but yeah, I hoped for better for you.  It's a very difficult thing when a relationship is new and chemistry is in control.  Easy to miss seeing storm clouds on the horizon, or just simple areas where the jigsaw puzzle just doesn't quite fit together.  It hurts now, especially the feelings of betrayal, but it'll pass.  I think you know this in your heart of hearts, and it sounds trite of me to say it, but time does heal.  From the comments above it's obvious your friends here think the world of you, just as I do.  It's small comfort right now, but please accept my love and hugs.  Peace…your brother, Albert

I saw your comment on MorningStar's blog and felt called to read your post here.

I've read your heart rending post, Nicole, and recognize your pain.

I've got this to say to you, “His loss.”

Nicole,
In the short time that I have known you, I have realized what a kind, compassionate, loving person you are.  You give so much to others; you deserve far better treatment.  My heart goes out to you.